Well....

I guess this is what you get when you buy an auction house. No it wasn't exactly like that when we got it. But we are doing some updating & fixing. So this is our new project. To somehow make this mess a place where we feel happy and safe and cozy. This is now where we spend our Saturdays. I am so happy that the kids LOVE it though!! Tyler saw it before the rest of us and said "I'm ready for the worst 3 months of our marriage." He knew I was not going to be happy. The first time he walked us through I had to plug my nose the smell was so awful. It was hard to see past the smell. I kept my arms folded and couldn't touch anything. I looked and hated everything about the neighborhood and the house. I was just kind of in a trance...trying so hard to keep it together. Sherry was going on and on about all the neat stuff I could do. I would just quietly nod and look on. She literally shook my shoulders and said snap out of it! Then the tears came. Ug! It was awful. They seemed to be enjoying themselves but I couldn't do it. I said "that was a good start. Let's go" as I headed for the car. I felt like a jerk. I wanted so much to be so grateful! But at the moment I'd rather stay in our tiny bedroom in her house with 8 tiny ones than move so far away to this tiny stinky house. But the kids were running around and soooo happy saying it's so much prettier than our last house! And I have every intention of making that come true for them...or maybe me. I have come to actually start enjoying the project. It's fun cleaning up and designing. But I think in my head I think it's just that. A project. I can't think about how my bed will be there. My piano in there. Baking cookies there. Showering there. My kids sleeping and playing in there. How I will be so far from my best friends. So far from the beautiful farms. So far from my ward & bishop. So far from the kids school....{welp}...ok I'm done thinking about that...But...we are so lucky to have some amazing friends with lots of man-talent willing to help us and we have the cheapest mortgage and will save tons in gas money by being so close to work & the kids new school and I will see hours more of my handsome Honey every day by being so close...I know it could be much much worse...in the grand scheme of things I know it's so petty and unimportant...I know it's a huge blessing and am so grateful to those who made it possible...But...it's also not one of the funnest things I've had to cope with emotionally...I sure hope this guy knows what he's doing! Tyler and I were walking through a boutique awhile ago and I had joked that he could buy whatever house he wants as long as I get to put this lamp in it. So the night he showed me the house he snuck this in our bedroom in the middle of the night. When I woke up it was right there in front of me. So thoughtful! I LOVE staring at it! It's so girly and frilly and beautiful! By the way this is the first lamp we have EVER bought. And he also picked this sweet board sign with it. Love you always honey!! Just please be patient with my rollercoaster psycho emotions as we try to make this house of ruins our home! :)